6 months on estrogen!
i cant wait to fart rainbows and shit rose pedals
02/27/2025
lots of words but i say creative a lot
i’m so behind in schoolwork, i missed two appointments, my socks keep falling off in my boots because i havent washed my thick socks and the ground is so slippery, but i feel fucking awesome. i’ve been feeling really chirpy ever since i made this website. it’s been a really long time since i felt creative, and working on this has honestly made me feel like the artist in me is healing. i’m at a point in my life rn where i’ve realized that the degree i’m pursuing (computer science blehhhhh gross and music) is not what i need to be happy. my whole life i’ve only known putting in the work to get good grades, or to achieve “success,” so it’s always been hard to prioritize creativity and happy fun time. recently, i’ve been prioritizing creative projects even if they feel really stupid and dumb. i have this bad habit where if i have something more “official” to worry about, like school or finding a job or going to the grocery store or laundry or whatever, i just procrastinate the creative ideas that come to me, and they never get done because when i eventually do get the time to do something fun, i’d rather just sit and watch tv or scroll since i just need a mindless break. for the longest time, i would identify myself as a creative person, but i never had any output or anything to show since i was so busy all the time from putting school at the absolute first. i was kinda “ashamed” of calling myself a musician or artist because that’s not what i spent most of my time doing, and i never was able to make anything. yes i think school is very important, and i do genuinely like school, but i think a little restructuring to give time to take advantage of those creative sparks when they come is so so important for me. here's to ugly websites, watercoloring, playing the guitar, and just having whimsy and wonder and feeling free.
02/20/2025
i've been watching neon genesis evangelion
is shinji fucking stupid??? (i haven't watched end of eva yet pls dont spoil for me)
also i want to start vlogging. i pulled out my camcorder last night, and i think i'm just gonna start bringing with it me and pointing it at shit i find fun and interesting. its kinda like journaling, but you don't have to write lol.
02/19/2025
thorns
Do you remember
when we were five,
the magazines kept tucked away
in the closet in the master bedroom?
The floral perfume scented paper
sprouts flowers in our lungs.
Do you remember
seeing your face shine up
off the glossy pictures of the
all too beautiful models?
Our pin straight black hair
and pale but dark complexion
cast onto the dampened page
bounce back into rainy eyes.
We’d clasp our hands and pray
to Buddha, to God, to the clouds in the sky
please. please. please.
I still breathe roses.
10/06/2024
borders
Through the pitter patter of shells and raindrops,
You could almost tell the difference between the thunder and the bombs,
Our people are no strangers to rain,
For a millennium we’ve tended the dikes along the riversides,
but we’ve been too preoccupied fighting those who share our name
The flood,
an act of god,
or a result of human negligence
washes away the stains of their the blood.
Across the border they send rice and condensed milk.
Through the pitter patter of shells and raindrops,
Mother, you were born. You were too young to remember the bombs,
But you are no stranger to the pain
For twenty-two years you had lived along that riverside,
Until you could no longer stand the rain.
You speak to me in rice and condensed milk.
A new life.
A flood.
Thrown into the white light.
A yellow body too far away to hear the rain,
but I am no stranger to the pain.
I am 21 years old. I speak to you in English.
I have not mastered the mother tongue.
I am lactose intolerant.
09/23/2024